Dear Bald Man-
I’m a 29 year old male living on my own in a new area where I don’t really have any actual friends. I’ve had issues with social anxiety in the past, and making friends has always been an issue. Lately, I’ve been trying to move past that and make some friends, so I decided to try and have a dinner party with some people from work and my neighborhood.
During the week prior to the party, I spoke with most everyone I know, and a number of people said they would show up. I expected about 10-12 people to show up, and I spent the whole day of the party making food and setting up my apartment.
No-one showed up. After about an hour had passed I started texting people. Some responded that they had gotten busy, some simply ignored me. This has really crushed my spirit. What did I do wrong?
Sincerely,
Lonelyman
Hi Lonelyman,
What you experienced was an unfortunate truth about adult life. As a bald man, I borderline worship the great Larry David. If you watch his show Curb Your Enthusiasm, you know that he would do literally anything to get out of a dinner party.
It sounds like your heart was in the right place here, but your execution was off. First off, are any of these people you invited friends or acquaintances with each other, or did you just invite a random assortment of people over? Also, is the only reason you know them because of proximity? It sounds like you are just trying to have a get-together with a bunch of people that you vaguely know, but there is not necessarily a good reason for them to want to come to a dinner party at your house.
The hard truth about making friends as an adult is that its hard and it sucks. Most people grow less and less interested in meeting new friends as they age. I think of it like music. All the music I like the most is from when I was in High School and College, and most everything that has come out since is noob bullshit.
This does not mean it is impossible, you just need to put the right kind of effort in. Having that dinner party was a nice gesture, but it likely came off as desperate to some of the people, which made it undesirable to attend.
The best way for you to meet new friends is to engage in something you actually like to do, like a hobby or a sport. If you genuinely like doing something, find a public group that does it and join in. You will find groups that do almost anything.
If you don’t have any real interests, you might want to consider that you are kind of a boring person, and you need to work on self-development a bit before you are able to make new friends. Not to be harsh, but the point of having friends it basically to have people to talk to and engage in activities with. If you are not interested in doing anything, you won’t be interesting enough for someone to want to talk to you.
-The Bald Man
P.S. Side note(s) on throwing parties – in the future, you might want to create a Facebook event or do an e-vite or something. When people RSVP to a party on one of those, they are more likely to come than if they simply gave a verbal or text response. Maybe give them more than a week’s notice as well and your response rate might be better.
Bald Advice 